Superpowers Nibiru Dispute Nearly Sparks Nuclear War
WASHINGTON– As reported last week, Russian President Vladimir Putin gave Obama a chilling ultimatum: “Tell the world about Nibiru, or I will.” This defiant statement originated during a private telephone conversation between the two leaders, with Putin angrily phoning the White House and demanding to speak with Obama. Putin’s fury is the result of learning that he–and other Russian leaders–was suckered by a thirty-year-long bluff–the White House had repeatedly threatened to “nuke Moscow” if Russian leaders spilled the beans about Nibiru.
Our Washington source, however, has recently uncovered additional information suggesting that the situation was so dire that instead of roman candles and bottle rockets normally associated with Independence Day festivities, nuclear warheads nearly lit the skies and rained down on American cities.
If all information is accurate, the Obama administration, enraged at Putin’s thunderous ultimatum, ordered the United States Defense Condition be set to level 3 (DEFCON 3) a precarious maneuver plunging the United States (and the world) to the brink of nuclear war. Although the heightened state of readiness lasted on thirty minutes, the event marks the closest we’ve come to a nuclear war since the Cuban Missile Crisis of 1962.
According to our source, Obama believes that Putin is now bluffing about alerting the world to the impending Nibiru catastrophe. “A master games-man, Obama wanted to wait it out. He was pretty damn sure Putin wouldn’t say jack about Nibiru,” our source said. “But something happened. His handlers got to him.”
The “Washington Furies,” Susan Rice, Victoria Nuland, and Samantha Powers convinced Obama that Putin was serious and that launching a first strike against the Russian Federation was the only means of halting Putin’s disclosure. Together, they twisted Obama’s arm until he yielded to their advice–immediately ready America’s strategic nuclear defense forces.
A Washington insider, speaking under conditions of anonymity, said, “This was almost it. The shit almost hit the fan. Those women treat the POTUS like a puppet. They manipulate his strings. I truly believe they nearly convinced him to launch a first strike against the Russian over this Nibiru mess.”
Fortunately–and uncharacteristically–Obama heeded the advice of level-headed, high-ranking military officials, including Chief of Naval Operations Admiral John Richardson, who allegedly asked Obama if he’d “gone mad,” instead of consummating the plans of his handlers. That, and a last-minute teletype appeal from the Kremlin, deescalated the situation, at least for the time being.
Experts, including Jose Escarce, Center Director and Principal Investigator for RAND corporation, predict a less than 10 per cent chance that Obama will capitulate to Putin’s demands.
“President Obama is stubborn, and has insulated himself with a group of ‘yes’ men. We deem it highly unlikely the president will yield to Putin; he would see that as losing face.”
Regardless if Nibiru is real, this latest incident proves that the rogue dwarf star and its orbiting planets are being taken seriously by world superpowers. With tensions already high, and Putin’s nerves frazzled over western peacekeeping efforts in the Baltics, one miscalculation might incinerate us all before Nibiru can do its damage.
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